Dear blissed-out, beardy hipster working the counter at my local coffee shop:
You know that incessant patter you spring on every customer in your annoying, sing-song voice? It’s not engaging. It’s not cute. It doesn’t even rise to the level of quirky.
It’s more like a weird, pansexual come-on.
Please get that fixed.
Sincerely,
Trey
P.S.: You have a fantaaaastic, amaaaazing day, too!!!!!!
A Few Things Considered ... 
Pingback: Passing the ‘Bucks: How VIA Markets to Misanthropes « J's Pages